who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
