Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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