weddingsv make me drug and hornr
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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