I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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