conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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