I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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