he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
