we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
