Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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