i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
