just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
