This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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