Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
