i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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