We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
