Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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