i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
