I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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