So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
