You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
