Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
