I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
