She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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