I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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