Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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