She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
