Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
