Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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