Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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