girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
