Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
