i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
