8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize