Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I need to align my fucking chakras
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
