she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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