you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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