i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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