You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
