just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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