ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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