Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
