So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
