i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sorry about my life...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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