Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize