i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Rumble strips road head = magical
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
