I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
