Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
