You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
