Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t yaâ€
Randomize
