Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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