Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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