all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
