its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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