she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
