i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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