My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
