No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Randomize
