oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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