No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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