On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
