yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
