make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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