watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The power of my boobs compel you
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
These tits shall not be calmed
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
