Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
as a side note pls kill me
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
