I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
