Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
