he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
