i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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