I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
