OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
