I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
did i just pee glitter
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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