Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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