can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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