I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
