is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
