Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
