So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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