I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize