No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
