new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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