we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
