How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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