i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
