a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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