I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
