Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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