I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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