im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
