The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
