Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
