remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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