And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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