...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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