I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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