trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
