With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
