she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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