Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
