It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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