4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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