I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
