Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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