never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
