just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
