I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
