She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
