the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
