kristin has been a bad kristin
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
