did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
