Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize