I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Come share oat with me in your robe
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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